ZELDA MOVIE RANT + Free Membership?!?! D:

Dec 20, 20099 min read

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Published: Dec 20, 2009

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Zelda Movie

_{Ok... sent me this link last night www.dailymotion.com/video/xbg2…. It´s the Zelda Fanmade movie. As a big Zelda Fan, i have to see the movie, and i know by now (without seeing it) that i will NOT like it. So, as i´m going through it, i´ll post all the details that just blowed my mind... in a BAD way.

- Nerd fact: the godess didn´t create the Triforce to beat up the evil in earth... they left the Triforce way before anything but land was created.
- Ok, fanservice? why is Link shirtless in the first part? Did you really want to have all the fangirls vote? eeww...

- Oh! is that triforce a birthmark? it looks like you´ve been playing with markers~

- A grown up Kokiri? and she´s Links mother?

- SARIA IS LINKS MOTHER!?!?!?1 THAT IS SO FUCKING WRONG!!! is like incest or something
- hmm... the Great Deku Tree looks like a fucking muppet.

- "HE´S ONLY A CHILD!!" said Saria when the great Deku Tree told Link about his fate... a CHILD??? well, he looks like a 19-22 year old boy... that is so NOT a child...
- Link wears tight panties... and he´s showing his BULDGE... more fanservice??

- Link is lost in the lost woods... how convenient.

- hey! hyrule castle town looks great! lots of people, lots of ladies, all the ladies trying to hit on Link.. wait, wut?

-ZOMBIE LINKS APPEARS!

- nice detail!, Links buys a Bow, and the shop owner plays the "ta-dah-da-dah~" tune and says "YOU GOT THE BOW!"
- A girl at the Epona Inn just hit Link with a frying pan... oh! Ganondorf´s first appearance! nice eyebrows dude, you look like a fucking dragon ball character (from the movie, not from the manga).
- Okay! Ganondorf wears eyeshadow... and actually he´s kind of thin... and talks like a bad parody of Lord Vader ha-ha-ha

- The girl who smacked Link was Malon, and it seem Talon (her father) finds Link to be "a very attractive boy~" gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
- WHAT? According the movie, Ganondorf planed to imprison Link in the Sacred Realm by stracting the Master Sword from the temple of time... wasn´t it planed by the Sages in the original story so Link could have the strenght to wield the Master Sword?
- Link is now in the Castle following Zelda´s Song, going through the guards, past by the tower with the clock... A CLOCK??? A MODERN CLOCK??? WTF!

- Lady Impa is blonde and HAAAWT! also, why everybody keeps calling link a BOY, A LAD, A BRAT ,ETC?? he looks really old to be called boy <_<

- Zelda looks stoned.... and Hormonal... she´s like calmed and in the next second she´s crying... women... Also, Links hairdo changes everytime! the magic of movies~~

- Another bad guy appears! he´s all dark and evil and emo

- This looks like a Porn movie... Impa moves like if she was horny about Link.
- Zelda and Link were about to kiss... maybe he isn´t THAT gay...

- "when the bearer is Killed, the triforce is passed to the killer" that wasn´t like that in the Original Story... Also, the King didn´t have the Triforce of Power...
- Link trying to play the Ocarina.. FAAAIL!!! why did he played the happy birthday song??
- Is that the master sword??? looks more like the 4sword to me... Also, is Link like having an orgasm when reaching the sword??? you need to see his face <_<

- the elements sages! FUCK YEAARS, let´s see Saria again and the other ones that... LINK NEVER MEET... i mean, the "child" part was really NOTHING... and Link looks exactly the same, he didn´t grown up.. HE´S THE SAME OLD LOOKING GUY THAT HE WAS WHEN HE WAS A "CHILD"... but none call him "boy" now... anyway
- Again.. Link´s crotch... eew

- Woah.. Link´s face stained with blood after he killed some Ganondorfs men... odd Now he has the WORST LOOKING shield EVER, ta-dah-dah-daaaaah~ you got UGLY SHIELD!

- Zelda dressed in black clothes in Kakariko Village... she seems to be Shiek... but she looks like a girl... also, you can TELL she´s Zelda beneath that transparent mask. FAIL... Aaawww she started crying... women...

- Climbing death mountain.. more Lame Mountain if you ask me... they just flipped the camera to make it look like a mountain terrain...
- The Gorons are humaaaaaaans!!! Darunia is only a fat chinese guy! hahahahaha, laaaaameee XD and he says "IMA GORON!" xD

- Ok... this is getting more gay... Darunia grabbed Links head and he... EEWW.. you HAVE to see it for youself

- Ok! battle with volvagia! im looking foward to this!... WHAT?! is a Dodongo... but it spits FIRE??? AND IT FUCKING FLY!!! it´s a dondagia!! or volgongo?

- ok! just 28 minutes left and 6 temples to visit how will Link make it? dun dun duuuuun!
- a great Fairy! she looks like a street whore... and she´s horny for Link too xD

- oh no... she wasn´t a Great Fairy... she´s a Sage... i think she´s Din... and she´ll grant Link Din´s Fire... yeah she did...
- To restore Hyrule, Links needs to recover the Master Sword Bling Bling!

- Ok! they are going to wake up all the sages in a really fast fashion!... first stop, Lake Hylia!
- Big Octopus Appears! Link used Sword!! it´s super effective!

- Bongo Bongo! a giant skull surrounded in flames... who is defeated by putting it into a bottle...

- a Pig man!

- Back at the Deku tree, he gives links something... green

- ooh, so romantic...

- Back at the castle town this movie gets racist... a guard and a priest beating up a nig... i mean, black person.

- OMG! Ganon looks SO GAY and FAT, maybe the triforce of power makes you gay or something...

- Battle Montage... Sheik is a Ninja!
- Ganon is Transforming into a giant black cloud!!
- Ganon is a Vampire!!! that´s why he was SO white now... in a second thought, maybe he´s Batman!

- the final battle begins! ROAAAR sword against sword
- OMG, LINK IS BLEEDING KETCHUP ;___;

- Ok Link won, he saved the day, almost died because of a big group of gerudos that were not happy with ganondorf death, Sheik shows her true identity, and Link, almost dying in the temple of time, went back to the past just before he took the Master Sword..

THE END

Overall: A REALLY BAD MOVIE WITH BAD ACTORS, REALLY BAD EFFECTS AND A TOTALLY RAPE OF THE STORY... like any other videogame movie.

hope you enjoyed my bitching.}

Nice oportunity

_{How are you all? im at my mom´s home, yeeey (NOT) trying to advance with all the drawings i have to do and stuff teeheehee
I was wondering~ did you check the deviantART 2x1 membership limited offert? Well :3 if you guys are buying a membership for yourselves and you want to make something good of the free one that you´ll win, you can give it to me and i´ll count it as a commission (1 character, no background). Interested? anyone?}